Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Life as I know it.

I want to be more positive in life. Although at times I feel life has handed me a lemon barrel, I will make some sweet, sugar free lemonade. I have been gone for quite awhile..... A lot has happened and changed and I felt like a tumbling weed!
Though I needed to blog I didn't. My lap top broke. But right now I am blogging from my iPod. So please excuse any typos or grammatical errors! :D

I been thinking a lot and life is what we make it. Though right now I can easily let stress, anxiousness take over... I take deep breaths and remind myself that it is all going to be ok. Maybe not today but soon. I also count my blessings instead of agonizing of what could have , or should have been. Trying to be more accepting and understanding with life and myself is a daily thing. I take each new day as it comes and I remind myself to be optimistic as we only get this one moment and we should celebrate life.
Ok here is a quick run down of my life now: I lost my job due to medical issues. I lost my insurance with the lost job. This has been the biggest thing that I have been dealing with. On a positive note my fiancé got a job and it has spectacular benifits and we are to be married soon! I too will someday have great benefits.... As long as my body can wait a few more months. Healthcare is expensive!

I have been maintaing my weight yet would like to lose the last twenty pounds. But not bad for someone who can't work out very much! Hoping to find some holistic vitamins to take to help my EDS. Unfortunately I still have problems with my eds pain and fatigue, but I am hoping that soon I can get more help with my medical issues. I am doing research and hope to try new medicines or techniques. What I am doing and taking now is not very helpful. But hey I am a work in progress and understanding my conditions and what works for me and my body will take time. I am definitley practicing patience!

Monday, October 25, 2010

Hanging in there.....

I’m miserable. My EDS has been progressively getting worse. I have tendinitis in both elbows and ankle and just recently sprained my wrist.
I have not blogged for the longest time because of this. I use all my strength to make it through four hours of work. When I come home I just rest my limbs so I can make it through another day at the office. Dr has had me on part-time disability since May and last time I saw her.
A month ago she tried to get me to be off work completely. I said no, I wanted to stick it out for financial reasons. Now I am to see her Wed and I know she is going to look at me and tell me “I told you so!”….I am sure she won’t do that as she is a professional. But if she did I would not blame her.
Wed will be the day I know what will happen……

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Still Alive & Kicking!

Today was a good day. I made baked taquitos and I took a walk with my honey and my future brother and law. We walked the neighborhood and as we did, I worked through my soreness. It felt good to use my limbs and legs....it has been a long time since I have done any walking. I need to keep in shape :)
It has been one year since I have had WLS. I am blessed to have come as far as I have come. I am down 108 pounds. I am able to shop in the normal size clothing area. I am able to actually enjoy dressing up, and just happy in general. Though the journey has had it rough spots, all in all it has been worth it and has given me a new lease on life. Speaking of life......
Life is still what it is. It isn't perfect, but it isn't bad. I am trying hard to focus on the good things in life. I am doing better, not as upset as I was in last post.
The paperwork debacle is done. Now I am just dealing with my partial disability paperwork. I got it in the mail today and of course I have questions so Monday afternoon will be spent on the phone waiting to speak to someone. Ahhhh the joys of paperwork! But every little bit counts.
Work has been good. I am feeling more like myself again. It is amazing what time can do for your health. I am no longer pushing myself to work the full eight hours. I can come home, still sore but not to the point I can't do anything. Now I am enjoying life more. I am happier. Pain levels with EDS are the same, but having the time to sit and ice my joints, and heat pad them earlier in the day makes it so I can do some of my life.
Still there is a downside. Money has been very tight. I am missing my full time salary, as the part-time one just barely covers bills. Yet I have a roof over my head, and a good honey that has been understanding and helpful. Life is good, and I am choosing to focus on the good parts of life.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Bad Day Today :(

I am having a bad day today. I woke up with cat hair in my eye, woke up in throbbing pain all over my body. Just wished I could stay in bed and sleep. Day got progressively worse. But before I tell you what happened next, I will explain what I been through. My EDS is getting worse. My body is throbbing in pain and headaches are becoming a daily thing. I went to my Dr. She diagnosed me with Tendinitis of the elbow which affects the whole arm! I am swollen all up and down my right arm and the shooting pain is too much to bear at times. So with this Dr. gave me two weeks off work, and then I work half time for three months.
Work took information and gave me the twenty questions. I felt guilty for being ill. But the truth of the matter is, if I was able to be free of my pain and body limitations I would gladly work normal hours and have a normal life. I feel like work is treating this as something I have asked for. I was born with EDS and if I had the choice I would not have signed up for it. It is frustrating to have this condition and it makes me angry and frustrated that I get treated the way I do because I am sick.
So today I got in the mail paperwork from my work for my Dr to fill out. This confused me as I am a foundation employee and not a state employee…yet the State Human resource person sent me the extra paper work to have filled out? I was confused. Dr Office was confused. This is not my first round of Family medical leave act. I used my three months last year due to worsening of EDS, and then getting WLS. None of this “extra” paperwork did I have to fill out. All I had to do the first time of FMLA was just send an e-mail and send in the Dr Note.
I called the lady in Human resources and questioned the new method of doing things (politely of course) She told me since I asked to go part-time this paperwork had to be filled out so I could keep my benefits…really? I never did this before I told her….I was just very confused. I also kindly corrected her and told her I did not ask to be part-time, due to my condition this is why I am working part-time. She laughed it off, and told me I had to fill out the paperwork by law. My gut is telling me I am getting played. But what can I do? I have no extra $$$ for a lawyer……I am just upset and bitter now. I did feel insanely guilty before….missing work because of being in pain 24/7 and not being able to perform my duties as before. Now I am just mad.
Also, to add a cherry to my already frustrated day of a sundae. I go to my Dr. Office and have my honey drops off my paperwork. He comes back and tells me the receptionist does not think the DR will fill out paperwork due to the fact that I did not show up for my appointment. I was livid!!!! WTF?????? I marched in there and though I was in pain, and very upset…I tried to keep my cool. I told the receptionist that there was some confusion regarding my appointment with my Dr. I saw her 4/21 and she diagnosed me, gave me time off and then told me to see her in a month. So being a good little patient I paid my co-pay asked to cancel my 4/28 appointment and made an appointment for 5/26. Well apparently my 4/28 appointment never got canceled. ERRRRRRRR…so she just looked at me and said there was nothing she could do, and to write a letter to the office manager regarding the matter. Really?????? URGH…so I came home used my throbbing right hand and wrote a polite but stern letter stating the events and that if they looked at my appointment history of over the years I never missed an appointment and that I had in fact canceled my appointment with Dr. I also added to let the Dr know I did not purposely miss the appointment but that in fact I had canceled it, just that it was never done.
After all this stuff happening today…I finally let my strong self cry. I just cried because I feel wronged not just by my work, my Dr Office mistake, but also by my body. I am angry and frustrated and just wished that there was a cure for EDS. I just wish I could feel normal. Life would be easier, so here I am crying and blogging because I don’t know what else I can do………

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Slow and Steady wins the race.....





UGH!!! Ugh I say!!! Ok whine time is over. I am finally in onederland!!!! Everyone give me a high five *hand up!* CHEERS!!!!

But my joy is also mixed with some fear and worry. I am losing slowly. I know stalls happen. I have done everything I know to break a stall. Which worked but I hate losing so slowly. It is dis-concerning.

I still got 44 pounds to go. I am working out three to five times a week...when my body permits me. I am going to the Dr tomorrow to help me with my EDS. I am tired of having this chronic condition...but it is something I need to deal with for the rest of my life. Pain level has upped very much. So seeing if doc can help me. I hate going to Doc. She is a awesome lady and all...but I hate dealing with my condition. It's like an old joke that won't go away. No matter if I ignore it. It is there causing me frustration and pain. Ok a bit of a downer post. I apologize for that....but it's how I am feeling right now.

On the bright side...I am getting closer to goal...even if I just inch myself slowly...I will get there! I will keep you all update about my Dr visit, and what comes of it :)

Friday, January 1, 2010

NEW YEAR 2010

It is a new year today, and I am excited to see what 2010 has in store. I am optimistic and hopeful for the new year. I don't want to have a today's blog dedicated to resolutions because frankly I don't make good on them most of the time. So I am going to put a list of goals I would like to accomplish in 2010.

* Would love to start running
* Take four classes
* Get to a normal BMI
* Pay off some debts
* Save some $$$

Short and sweet list. I am really enjoying my 1st day of the new year. I rang in the new year with some great friends. I am looking forward to 2010 and wish everyone a year full of the good life, laughter, and love.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Stalls & Gains: Not trusting my body: Breaking the cycle!

I have not been able to trust my body lately. I have been sad, frustrated, and obsessing.. I have been having weight loss anxiety. I know my WLS has been working. I am 90 pounds down….. Yet, Nov- to now: I have stalled, gained…and had the slowest weight loss possible.

I know, I know…I should not complain. I am thankful for every pound lost. So I have tried not to stress….but this past month and a half has been a S-l-o-w weight loss. Painfully slow. I stuck through it, even after a pound of weight gain.

So I did what any stalling/gaining WLS person would do…I researched it on the internet. I went on Obesity Help and lurked. Yes I am a lurker….I like to read and get info and rarely do I post. I am not sure why I just lurk, I guess I just feel comfortable that way. I also goggled WLS stalls and I got a ton of info…..

Here are the main things I learned about how to break a stall…and people it works! Because this morning I went on the scale and after being 207 forever and then gaining a pound and being 208 for even longer I weighed in at 206.

The four main things to do:

1st Up your protein! Try to get as much protein you can I know the minimum is 60 grams…but I found when I upped my protein to 80-100 weight loss happened! No joke.

2nd Move your booty. Get up and move, and if you are doing this….vary your workout routine or add more time to your workout. Whatever you have been doing add more of it & do something different once in awhile.

3rd Drink your water. Water is very important to the body, it hydrates, it helps detoxify. One fact to remember your body is approximately 65-70% of total water.

4th Keep track of what you are eating and make sure you are giving you body enough calories. Our bodies are a funny/amazing thing! You body will hold onto weight if it thinks you are starving it. One day this week I ate way more calories than I feel comfortable sharing (1,500). I am still not sure how it happened. It just did it. When I tracked and inputted what I ate I about had a mini stroke. I have a fear of even going over 1,200 calories. Most days I only eat to 1000 calories My nut gave me nutritional guidelines that I follow like the law. 1,200 calories max, 60-100 grams of protein and up to 120 carbs. Imagine my shock when I tracked my foods to find out it came to 1,500!!! I have not eaten that much since WLS. My body was hungry. I knew I ate more than usual that day but I was sure I stayed within my guidelines! Shocking I know! Funny thing is after this day a few days later (today) I got on the scale and boom down two pounds!!! Hallelujah!!!!

With that folks I broke my stall.I am hoping this weight loss will continue and perhaps speed up a bit. My X-Mass wish is to be in onederland. Keep you posted!

Wishing everyone a happy holidays and a Great New year!!!